***COMING SOON***

I’m pretty sure that every problem I have in this life is directly related to my family whom I cannot escape from. I hate my life so much that at times I simply break down all the time. I cannot truly express myself the way that I want to because I am afraid of how others will react especially my close friends and family. I live a closeted life with the only satisfaction I get is talking to other Gays on the net. I have no communication with other Gays in the real world at all as to do so would be to risk ridicule from others. I’m fairly certain my Mother would be okay with everything but my Father is an arrogant, bigoted asshole who would shun me if I came out. My heart would bleed if that were to happen and I don’t think I could survive that kind of rejection. He is abusive, rude, and disrespectful to others and I’m sure he would lash out physically if pr!
ovoked. I don’t want him to take out his aggression on my other family members either so I keep everything bottled inside but lately It’s getting to the stage where I can’t stand this life anymore. I’m not suicidal by the way LOL but you know I just want to say FUCK YOU DAD!! And walk away from everything. I feel subjugated. It’s the worst kind of existence. I can understand what it’s like to live in the 3rd world now having lived an oppressed life for all of my life. I want to know what it’s like to feel love, hugs and kisses from another person. I’ve never been kissed in my life, I’ve never been in a relationship and it’s all because I have a horrible home life. I haven’t been hugged in so long I forget what it feels like to feel real comfort. I can’t escape my parents control just yet because I have no money but I’m studying and I’ll get there one day. I might come out later on down the track when I’ve moved away from home and had some life !
experience. I’ve even thought about waiting till after my father die s. He’s quite ill and I don’t think he’ll live more than ten years. I don’t know. Maybe I overreact some times but all I really want is a life that is mine where I can live, love and explore. But you often cheer me up Houston so I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope you find happiness in your life too. Don’t worry about me I’ll be okay! :)

Does it count if I act like two people? I guess that would be hiding my feelings from one group, but showing them to another.
the old saying "two sides to every coin" comes to mind when I think about how I am around different people. I have been called on this fact before, but I can't help it really. There are certain aspects of me that don't need to be seen by one person, that are okay to be seen by someone else.
If I was the same around everyone there would be a big difference in the way my life works.
I believe i adapt myself to those around me.
I don't know if this makes any sense outside my head, but that is my input on this topic.

Mostly honest. But not always.
I hide my thoughts and feelings to protect others, and to hide myself (my sexuality).  I assume this is best for all, but can never be sure.